Why some women can’t orgasm during sex

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If one partner is having trouble crossing the finish line during sex, something needs to change. Can sex still be good without an orgasm? The answer for most women is a resounding yes, but it sure isn’t as fun. A whopping 10% of women have never had an orgasm – ever! Not with a partner, nor riding solo. Many women have trouble reaching an orgasm during sex, and there are plenty of reasons why.

For many women, sex is the only time when we actually experience penis envy. Thrust, thrust, cum! If only life with a vagina were that simple. Instead of a little back and forth, women need all the help they can get with relaxation, stimulation, lubrication, and plenty of rhythm. Hell, some women even seek sexual therapy to help them get to the Big O!

Did we mention it can be extremely difficult to orgasm during intercourse? We’re looking at 5 reasons why ladies sometimes fall short of fireworks in the bedroom… and what can be done to change that.

She doesn’t know her body

Having good sex is all about exchanging information. Ooh, that feels good. Touch me there, like this, harder, slower, faster, and the list goes on. One of the biggest reasons why some women can’t seem to cum may stem from the fact that they don’t know their own body!

There are women in their 20s who still don’t know where their clit is or how to please it. Bottom line? If you can’t explain to your partner how you like to be touched, how are they supposed to please you? Get to know yourself intimately. Start with your hands. Play with vibrators. Once you know what you like, you’ll be able to let your lover in on it!

Her partner doesn’t know her body

He’s fumbling around down there, rubbing your thigh, thinking he’s actually rubbing your vagina. Sound familiar? We sure hope not, but if this sounds like your sex life, then the problem may not be you, after all! It could be that your partner just doesn’t know how a vagina works. Like, at all.

The solution… play a game of show and tell. If your man doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, odds are he learned his arsenal of moves from porn, and porn is a terrible teacher. Let him know where the clit is, what you like during foreplay, and exactly how much time you need to get warmed up before making your final boarding call!

Changing positions too much

Changing it up in bed definitely adds an element of spice to your romp, but it isn’t always beneficial for the female involved. Women need consistency and continuous rhythms to reach orgasms, not to be uprooted every five minutes. While varying your sex positions may ensure that the man involved isn’t going to orgasm too quickly, it may have the same effect on the female partner. Where’s the fun in that?

Let your partner know beforehand what positions you’re up for, and in what order you’re going to want them. Say something like, “after I get nice and wet on top of you, I want you to bend me over and finish me off”. Just make your ideas sound sexy instead of instructive. Otherwise, you risk making your sex session sound completely void of spontaneity!

She’s distracted

Distractions are the worst. There’s nothing that can ruin sex quite like thinking about work, the bitchy comment your friend made via text, or the interesting new braid tutorial you saw on Pinterest. Sometimes, it can be difficult to focus during foreplay or intercourse, even if you’re really looking forward to crossing the finish line.

Stop thinking about other things. Easier said than done, we know, but try your best to focus on your partner! He loves how you look naked, otherwise, he wouldn’t be having sex with you. Also, stop thinking about the bills, the cat, whether you’re taking too long to O. Instead, start with a relaxing massage and put on a fantastic sex playlist. Feel like you’re going to take 30 minutes to cum? Be selfish, stop worrying, and enjoy every minute of it.

Medical issues could be at play

There is an actual medical term for women who, while they respond positively to sexual stimulation, just can’t cum or find it very difficult to cum. This is called anorgasmia. Symptoms include a newly developed inability to orgasm alone or with a partner, frequent difficulty orgasming, or never having experienced an orgasm. The causes range from physical to psychological and may include having had any gynecological-related surgeries, over-the-counter medication side effects, stress, anxiety, menopause, and more.

If you’re unsatisfied with your sex life and feel like you have anorgasmia or another medical concern, schedule a trip to your family doctor or gynecologist. He or she may be able to help you fight off your inability to O, and can narrow down what is causing the problem.

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